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My husband and I had our 2 sons when we were young, with no complications, healthy normal pregnancies and deliveries, no issues.  When our youngest son was 3 yrs old, we started trying for a third baby.  We thought nothing of it, thought everything would go fine just as it had with our boys.  Little did I know that I was about to face one of the biggest trials of my life; 3 miscarriages.

 

Shortly before becoming pregnant with our 3rd baby, I had a dream, or some would say it was a vision.  It was so real, I will never forget it as long as I live.  I fell asleep on the couch in our living room and suddenly woke up because I thought I heard a noise.  As I sat up on the edge of the couch, I could suddenly feel a sweet presence in my living room and I could hear God’s voice audibly speaking to me; he said “You will have a daughter and she will have a beautiful singing voice.” And then I really woke up and sat up on the couch in disbelief of what just happened.  I believed what God had just told me but I was in disbelief of what I just experienced.  I could feel God’s presence so strong and I could hear his voice, but could not see him.  It was truly a remarkable experience !

 

Not too long after that, we found out I was pregnant ! I was so excited and felt sure that this was my baby girl that God had told me of in my dream. Well, about 4 months along we find out that our baby #3 had already died inside of me around 3 ½ months along so we had to have a DNC.  I was devastated to say the least.  I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me/us.  I questioned God and felt like I was being punished for some reason.  But I couldn’t stop thinking about the dream that he gave me, as I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was from him.

 

About 6 months later we are pregnant again.  Of course, this time I am nervous because of what happened with the last baby.  I prayed and tried my best to trust in God that all would go well with this baby.  We made it to our 4 month checkup, heard the heartbeat, had an ultrasound and baby Dotson was active and moving all over the place.  My husband and I felt so happy and relieved as we left the dr’s office that day.  A couple weeks later I come down with a severe bladder infection that put me into premature labor and at 19 ½ weeks, our baby boy came and he was just too little to survive. 

This loss really knocked the wind out of me.  I cried so much I had no tears left, literally.  I couldn’t stop crying and questioning God.  I prayed and prayed but yet felt so alone, like I had been abandoned for some reason.  I started to grow a little bitter about this, it would really bother me when I would hear of young teenage girls having healthy babies.  I would ask God, “Why ?  Why do they get to keep their baby, they aren’t even serving you, I have served you since I was 14 yrs old.  Why is this happening to me? Why am I being punished?”  Yet, I still couldn’t let go of the dream that God had given me that night in my living room.

 

A few months later, we become pregnant again.  This time I started bleeding at about 9 weeks.  They did an ultrasound and said the baby didn’t look right and there was no heartbeat.  So we had to have a DNC.  At this point I was numb.  I was barely hanging on by a thread to the dream that I believed God had given to me.  I remember lying there in the hospital bed after the DNC and everyone had left to go home.  I started crying and talking to God.  I said “God I don’t understand why this is happening to me but I do know that I cannot handle loosing another baby, because everytime I do, I feel like a piece of me dies with it.  So please don’t let me get pregnant again until it is your time for it to be.”

 

I know that God heard and answered that prayer because it was 7 years after I prayed that before my husband and I ( at the age of 37) were blessed with the birth of our baby girl, Emily Aggie Dotson, who does have one of the most beautiful singing voices I have ever heard just like God had promised (I just wish she would quit being so shy and let others hear what her daddy and I get to hear all the time. J))  7 years !?! Nothing!  My husband and I didn’t do anything to prevent getting pregnant, so I know it was God who had answered my prayer.   Believe me, it was a long, hard 7 years of waiting and I did begin to doubt just a little about the dream I had, but I could never truly let go of it because I knew it meant something and had never experienced anything like that before or since.

 

As I was going thru all that, it was hard to see any good coming of it, but now as I look back at it I see God’s hand in it all the way.  He knew I would need extra strength and help to endure what I was about to face, that’s why he gave me the dream that he gave me, for that truly was what kept me going.  He taught me patience.  My faith grew even stronger in him.  He gave me a song in the midst of my trial that has helped so many others facing trails in their lives.

 

My biggest question then was “Why God, why was it your will for our baby girl to come along so much later in life?”  That answer came 7 years later when I would again face another very trying time in my life.  I lost my mom, my best friend, my prayer warrior, she died at the age of 60.  I felt so lost without her.  Then 6 months later my youngest son enlisted in the US Marines.  I felt like I was loosing control of everything in my life.  I started having panic/anxiety attacks and I could feel myself falling into depression (I have never in my life dealt with depression), it was the scariest feeling I had ever experienced.  I could feel myself falling into it and I couldn’t control it.  The only thing that kept me going and got me out of bed everyday was MY BABY GIRL !!  Then I knew the answer to my question “Why God, why did you bring her along so much later in my life?”  God knew exactly what I would need to get me thru this trial as well.  He is such a good God, even at times when you don’t feel him, he is there.  He sees the whole picture.  Trust him for he knows what he is doing and only wants to take care of us, he wants the very best for us.

 

Here are the words to the song God gave me in the midst of my trial:

 

I’ve been here all the time

 

One night I was praying with a heavy load of care.  I questioned my God, “Are you really there?”  As I was kneeling down on my knees, this is what God, he spoke unto me;

 

“I’ve been here all the time, you’ve never been alone.  I’ve seen the tears you’ve cried, I’ve seen the faith you’ve shown.  I’m a God of my word and I’ll do what I say.  Put your trust in me, child, and don’t let doubt get in the way.”

 

As I stood to my feet, Oh the peace I felt within.  To know that my God, he was listening once again.  To know that He hears me everytime that I pray, it gives me strength to go on just to hear him say;

 

“I’ve been here all the time, you’ve never been alone.  I’ve seen the tears you’ve cried, I’ve seen the faith you’ve shown.  I’m a God of my word and I’ll do what I say.  Put your trust in me, child, and don’t let doubt get in the way.”

 

Written by Yavonna Dotson